Sometimes you buy a house and things like this show up inside of it. They have evil glowing orbs for eyes. Their very existence terrifies the crap out of you, scares you to tears even, but you still have to deal with them.
And your lazy, useless, good-for-nothing cats just sit there like, “What do you want us to do about it?” Heartless bastards.
So you get the fly swatter out and hack at the thing like it’s about to eat your next of kin. Little pools of blood appear on the linoleum. And then you think, “What if there are more of them?” So you begin to move the mountain of tools that have accumulated in your dining room and lo and behold, TWO more of these creatures have been exercising squatters rights in YOUR home, like that woman in New Jersey who just moved into this other person’s house after finding out they were in Europe for a year. I digress…
You see one heading for shelter beneath the fridge and grab the nearest weapon handy…the vacuum. You suck the living daylights out of the creature, only to realize that it is not making its final appearance in the canister of your very expensive Dyson vacuum. At this point you ask yourself, “What good is a Dyson vacuum with its super duper cyclone technology if it can suck up piles of marbles and yet can’t banish an arachnid?” You heard it get sucked into the hose. You continue to let the vacuum run, staring pensively into the canister, willing the creature to appear. Nothing. You empty the canister. Nothing. You take the trash outside, just in case.
You lose sleep for the next two weeks.
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